One Month Ago...

 I think about the man I married 10 years ago.  He was the kindest and most loving man when we met and married.  He truly loved me and did all he could to see to it that I was happy.  He did all the little things I've wanted someone to do.  He thought about me during the day and picked up the phone to let me know.  Now he doesn't call at all.  I remember his promises to me.  He said he'd love me forever and take care of me and that he'd never leave me.  The man who left me and the Pups isn't the man that I married - he wouldn't do that.  

He wouldn't see a doctor for his memory problems, so wasn't formally diagnosed...but he has shown quite a few symptoms over the years, of Alzheimer's, which his mother had.  Alzheimer's changes a person.  It can make someone unrecognizable, confused...even mean.  It can leave the person feeling confused, scared and alone.  It can make them do things out of the ordinary...making them into someone they really aren't.

Did we argue?  Yes, like most married couples I know.  Did we say and do things we regret?  Yes...I did and I'm quite sure he would say the same thing.  

Tom moved out of our home one month ago today. He packed up his belongings and walked right out the door - and never looked back! {The poor Pups...I feel so awful for them. They sit here, looking out the window...waiting for him to return.} 

This past month has been very hard on me.  I am in mourning over the fact that Tom isn't here with me in the home we moved into shortly after our wedding.  I'm mourning over the life that was to be...this was to be our last home - where we would love each other and live together until the end of our lives.  He often bragged to people about how I designed the interior of our house, as well as our walled-in courtyard.  Everything I did inside and outside our home was my way of showing love and affection for him.  The same with my cooking and baking.

I cry over the way all of this happened.  I cry because we didn't get to live out our "dream".  I cry because I love him and miss him.  I cry for the man I know he was and and how different he is now. 

Will he ever come home to be with me again?  Does he even think about that?  Does he think about me at all?  Does he think about the Pups he loved so much?  Only time will tell.  

I pray he finds peace and comfort...now and forever.

I had planned to return to blogging, but I will be staying away for a while longer - on my break.  I will continue posting that wonderful LIVING IT OUT devotion!  I plan to return soon...to my usual posts, but until then, please keep us both in your prayers, They are very much appreciated.