Benny's Story...His Final Hours & My Thoughts

We Had To Say Goodbye To Our Boy
On Saturday December 7, 2013, at 10pm, Benny died.  He was only 4 years and 8 1/2 months old.  He was the light of My Life.  He was the Middle and very Special Fur-Baby.  He was the loving "Brother" to Jasper & Rosie.  He was an exceptional Guard Dog - He let me know My Delivery Truck was on our Street Or someone was at the door, even before ringing the doorbell...
and he was always so sweet, ready to give kisses,  run around and play "Run Run Benny" and the way he begged for treats was just so precious.  He will forever be loved and missed.

Benny had been diagnosed, by our Vet, Dr Todd Smith with a Lipoma on his hip on Wednesday (12/4)...which we were to monitor.   And then Saturday Morning, he was seen by Dr Garcia because of his limp and a possible cruciate tear was suspected and he would need to be sedated and X-rayed on Monday.

The remainder of this week has been very rough

After the trips to the Vet with Benny and then an Emergency trip to the ER in Toledo lastnight, Benny died at 10pm.  In about a 6-hour hour period from a few hours after we returned {about 11:30AM} from seeing our Vet and I took this photo of him {didn't know then that it would be the last photo I'd ever take of him}, he rapidly went downhill.  

It all began with him waking up lame on his hind leg, which sent me with him to our Vet yesterday morning.  He was scheduled to have sedation and x-rays on Monday...for a possible cruciate ligament tear. 

During decline, he showed the following symptoms:  panting, staring, shaking, stiffening muscles, inability to walk and then to stand, falling down, not responding to his name, my whistle or other stimuli.  When he started breathing hard...I knew we couldn't wait to go back to our Vet in the morning.  So we called the ER and went there.  

{In my ♥ I knew he was getting so much worse...and I wondered how this would all turn out.}

The ER doctor took him in the "back" to do his exam and of that I was thankful this time.  {normally, I want to be with my Pups as they are examined and treated}  It was hard watching him at the hands of someone else.  It was seeing him from a different perspective...really scarey.  When she whisked him away, she was all VERY professional - ALL VET!

When she returned with Benny, she was quiet, head slightly down and somewhat teary eyed, even before she spoke.  She told us that the "lump" didn't have anything to do with what was going on and that she felt ALMOST certain Benny did NOT have a cruciate ligament tear.  

Then she went on to say that Benny showed all the signs of neurological problems and was deteriorating rapidly.  By her demeanor, we knew this was quite serious and life-threatening.  She quizzed us on what had taken place that was different over the last 2 weeks or so.  She asked ALOT of questions and we had no answers, because besides finding the lump and making several trips to our Vet, nothing was different.  I tried to remain calm and strong, but tears flowed like crazy.  Tom and the other 2 pups were upset too.

She was adamant that Benny needed to be seen RIGHT AWAY by a neurologist and that she could get us in lastnight.  She said "it's urgent that he be seen".  

As we sat there discussing our options, Benny continued to get worse and worse and worse.  He had a heart rate of 180.  His breathing became more labored, his eyes were fully dilated, he lost control of bodily functions, he appeared to not know what was going on or who was there, who was talking to him and then, he began having seizures.  Every 30 seconds or so, he would stop panting {and I wondered if he was even breathing} and his legs would all get stiff and push against us as hard as he could, he'd shake and his head would flop around.  Then he would go back to panting and thrashing around.  He was so hard to hold on to, but that's all we wanted to do - Hold On for Dear Life!!  His Life!!

As things continued worsening, and while blood work was being done...and we questioned whether a neurologist visit could or would be productive, I finally asked the Vet what her prognosis was for Benny at this point.  She said she really couldn't answer that - but that his condition was worsening rapidly and she felt that he could seize more and possibly even pass away that night.  So, with that and the way I had been feeling inside about him and what was happening, I knew the best and only thing we could do for him was to let him go to sleep, peacefully.  Before we did that, we awaited the Blood Work results, just in case something showed up and she felt better about saying he was treatable.  Nothing showed up on the full battery of blood work...absolutely nothing.

That just confirmed in my mind and heart that he indeed was suffering neurological damage.  I just couldn't see leaving him suffer anymore...and then letting him, quite possibly, die in pain either at home or alone {without us there} at the hospital.

At times, Benny looked so scared - especially when someone would pick him up to carry him out of or bring him into the exam room.  He would shiver and shake and wave his legs, all stiffened, around like crazy.  He'd shake his head wildly from side to side, twisting his body as he did so.  We weren't even sure if he could see anything near the end.  He just stared...at nothing, or maybe at everything.  

The Vet got a line in him in the other room, brought him back into the exam room by all of us, laid him on his blanket and left us to be with him for a while.  I couldn't get his attention at all {and I was so distraught - wanting him to snap out of it, look at me and "love me" like he did just one more time}and just as the Vet was coming in the door to get ready to inject Benny, he looked at me - I mean really looked at me and kissed {licked} my lips...his special way of saying bye bye and I love you to me!

As Benny took his last breath, I held him and talked to him and stroked his hair and Daddy, Jasper & Rosie were right next to him, too.  It was so peaceful.  And so difficult.  I think it's the most difficult thing I've ever had to do.  But it was for Benny.

Tom said, "Benny was here for you when you needed him most and you were here to take care of things when he needed you most."  Very true.

It is so hard - everything makes me think of him and missing him hurts.  He was the best dog and he was my constant loving and caring companion throughout my 18 months of having Bell's Palsy.  He knew where I hurt and he would lick me or lay his warm little body against me and nuzzle his nose into my neck...making me feel so much better.  

I will always love him and miss him.  We all will.

We'll see you again Benny!  All our Love!

Additional Thoughts from Me...

The hardest part about all of this has been going through yesterday and starting today off WITHOUT our Benny! He's the first thing I think about when I wake up. I'm trying to change up my morning routine for myself and the other 2 remaining Pups...just to find something that will make it easier to start the day. {working a bit} 

Writing this Post about Benny came easily...the words just flowed. Reading it afterwards was awful! I cried all the way through it. But, I needed to write it...to have a Journal of what happened, so that I wouldn't forget the details if we ask ourselves WHY or WHAT HAPPENED. 

This all was so sudden, out of the blue and happened to such a young and healthy Pup...that's what's so hard to understand. 

The Vet at the ER was amazing. She was so upset about Benny, that she was actually crying with us. I know she knew he was going to die, because when I asked her if letting him go was too harsh a decision she said, "No, I don't...he is so sick and suffering...and besides, if I thought it was a bad decision, I wouldn't be helping you in letting Benny go." And then she cried again. 

We really want to thank Dr Adrienne Brashand in a special way {still thinking about that}. 

I'm pleased to say that Benny's Regular Vet called today, to see how we were doing and what had happened to Benny on Saturday.  He was very comforting, too.  He confirmed that we did the right thing in letting Benny go - because when he deteriorated as quickly as he did - had a high heartrate and fever, things were headed in the wrong direction and we didn't prolong his misery by keeping him here.

We really want to thank Dr Todd Smith, Benny's regular Vet for taking such good care of him - since he came home with us at the age of 12 weeks.  He weighed 5# at that time.  He grew to be 18#.